Clover
Woke up with the sweat
that doesn’t make me squirm
Not anymore.
From that dream of translucent cobras curled round
black widow spiders blue
audible contractions as it squeezed
and I know full well cobras do not constrict
but there it was.
Skunk Anansie Charlie Big Potato low through Sony speakers
laid horizontal on the floor
those vibrations may contribute
to the hallucinatory dream states
at 2:42 am.
Severed heads collected and stored in freezers like that serial killer
or that serial killer
from a Netflix docu-series
It doesn’t set a good example for the children,
she told me,
sleeping in the basement.
She has stopped telling me so often
Lately
Reminds me to take my pills at breakfast
the other before bed.
There was a boy in a bucket
I poured lukewarm water over his head with a Styrofoam cup
He looked up at me
then down.
Asked me what I do for work
Told him a mid-level marketing manager
for a mid-size company in the Midwest.
Gave him a pat on the head.
‘Don’t pat the head of an astronaut.’ ‘How old are you?’ ‘Seven.’
My daughter dropped her spoon
Clanked on the floor
she started crying.
Astronaut gone
She ate Lucky Charms
New spoon.
Kissed her head
told her accidents happen.
It’s not healthy, she told me,
to feed our children
sugary cereal.
We shouldn’t feed sugary cereal to our child, I responded.
She slapped me,
told me to fuck off with my syntax.
A bird flew into the window
Lucy went to it
watched it die.
I told her the bird was fine.
It’s not good, my wife told me, to lie to the children.
Child.
Lucy colored a cardboard box
Birds and nests and seeds
I told her how pretty it was.
She asked if Birdie would like it
Of course.
Filled the box
with branches plum with pinecones
I’ve run knives
through a large piece of plywood.
Cut handles
Secured them with masking tape
When it’s time I will place it on the trampoline
climb out our bedroom window
dive backwards from the roof and see whose side God is on.
When the time is right.
My responsibility
to dig a grave for Birdie
Told them after work
They countered ‘now’
I countered ‘lunch’
I’ll be late today
The flower garden
My wife
Lucy, box
Me, a spade
The boy in the bucket
watched me dig.
‘Call me Danny.’ ‘I’m not going to call you Danny.’ ‘I know about the trampoline, do they?’
Elasticity will keep me safe
Cutting shallow into the flesh.
‘90 miles an hour down I-55 and a jerk of the steering wheel into a guardrail halfway to New Orleans is the way to do it.’
Danny had thought this through
Work
Dead bird residuals on the steering wheel
Parked nearest the exit
Don’t trust those people
with “VP” or “C” in titles.
The vampire girls in graphic design
keep the lights off
Southeast end for marketing
Southwest sales
High wall cubicles
We are not brave to battle vampires
The company has found room in the budget for desk lamps
Redhead dyed office administrator gives ballpoint pens
company name
company logo
Shows her cleavage
Make the men ravenous
Make the women jealous
She’s got age, going to turn
Man who calls himself boss
converted an office to a ‘thinking’ room.
Flowy flowery art walls
Keurig
Mini fridge
Sales and finance actively undermining effort.
My manager walked behind my cubicle
kicked my chair
Grunted
then left for Canada.
30-minute lunch
A goose nesting by bushes
Sub sandwich
in random office parking lot
Returned
Watched the CEO smash the eggs
chase the goose.
‘I would have broken its neck if I could’ve caught it’
Laughed,
then got into his Porsche.
An Emu Resting
Ego wrestling.
An emu resting.
A moral compass with variables.
Definitive definitions of psychopathy that ignores sociological implications.
Social imperfections.
If you’re not contemplating suicide
every three days you aren’t living.
Saw a Mercedes SUV
with several 26.2 bumper stickers.
Saw them at the stoplight and fuck
I wanted to murder them.
They needed it. They deserved it. It would have been the right
thing to do.
Couches
70s relics
cut into the apartment corner.
Target clearance lamp sat on garbage night driveway find end table.
Mustard-yellow where the color stayed
Standard-issued beige nothing where worn.
The second forest green shag
if you perceive nature in putrid green.
Three days since she put a brick through my car window.
Two days since we said we couldn’t live without each other. She just left. Suggested she would return at her designated lunch hour from administratively assisting in an office park behind the gas station and Chipotle.
I like the way
she quietly consults
with the cat
pertaining to my state of mind.
I like that she wears those short shorts
ponders where her phone disappears based on the weather.
She finds my hidden notebooks
reads them on the toilet
the door locked.
Sometimes
for a day
or an hour
Sometimes she stays
for a day
an hour
Three months
since I’ve halted social media progress.
A death date for digital breadcrumbs.
Was a Sunday
Getting used to typewriter keyboards and limitations of landline.
Sadness at Google.
Confusion in the Starbucks Rewards department.
The sin of complacency and true adherence to compliance gives solace to the decaying days.
I imagine myself a Mexican migrant plucking tomatoes at sunrise.
No, I imagine myself a corporate tycoon entrenched in greed and passing on those traits to a son who’s accepted a lacrosse scholarship to Yale.
A marble mausoleum
Centered
Amid lesser mausoleums.
I imagine I’m someone of importance, resources, and worthy of remembering on the CNN chyron.